I have been thinking off & on that I should be writing more here. Or doing morefor the pet care I contract with. Or cleaning the house. Or saving more ($). Or purging more (there are lots of “things” in boxes that could likely be rehomed)…
You get the idea.
It’s difficult to be in the now when your Inner Mean Girl is whispering in your ear “You’re wasting time crocheting when you should be writing another pet care post?” or “You have all those crochet projects lying about unfinished, shouldn’t you finish one of them, instead of starting something else?” or “You really should work on being nicer to your roommates, even if they drive you batty. You should just look past the things they do, and be the better person.”
Should should should… It’s relentless, draining, and when my Inner Mean Girl wins, when I believe the things she tells me, I end up retreating, and forgetting the things that I have accomplished, the steps I’ve taken, and that it’s okay to decide how and when I spend the time allotted to me.
I got behind on the 40 day cleanse, andjumped right in, making me feel worse, by reminding me of past failures, and laughing at me for not sticking with the schedule. The farther behind I got, the worse I felt, and the louder it seemed that IMG (I think her name is Imogene) was speaking to me.
I read a few blog entries from other participants, but instead of feeling inspired, Imogene compared me to them, and told me every way that I don’t measure up.
That other women my age are married, have children, successful jobs, and are better at being happy.
It feels like as soon as I start to feel good about one thing, Imogene finds a number of other things to bring me back down, so that I end up feeling worse than I did before that success.