no longer ill, but ill at ease

I’ve been in a crappy mood lately. I’m tired of being alone, but the thought of trolling the bars or similar is not only distasteful, it gives me a slight case of anxiety.

I miss college, where there was ample opportunity to meet people, hang out, etc., often without spending much money. I don’t want to /be/ in school again, but I’d love a taste of that atmosphere.

Something other than my current life, which is dead boring. Even when I have opportunities to hang out w/ people lately (SCA meeting or event, spinning get-together), I’ve balked. It doesn’t make sense. They’re low-key hang with people, talk about things you like… And something has been holding me back.

I don’t think it’s healthy. At least I’ll have something to bring up at my counselor session. Not that we have trouble coming up with topics, truth be told.

Argh. I feel like I’m talking cliches, or just feeling sorry for myself. I wouldn’t want to read this blog.

I’m posting it anyway. Not because I want responses with empathy, but because it’s being honest. This is what is going on with me right now.


About Bevin

I grew up reading stories of all kinds, but the fantasy genre has long been a favorite. Whether it's knights and sorcerors, Jedis or Browncoats, I love them all. I wanted to find my own secret passage to Narnia, study with the Heralds of Valdemar, or become a member of the elven wolfrider pack. I'm sure it was no surprise to my parents that when I discovered there was a club at my college dedicated to medieval life, I'd join. They likely didn't expect that 15 years later, I am still an active member. I acquired the nickname "Bevin the SnarlingBadger" from a friend in the Society for Creative Anachronism, an international not-for-profit educational organization which focuses on studying aspects of medieval life through first-person, hands-on research and practice. Yes, for some that means strapping on armor & practicing combat. For others it means studying a particular culture and time period, developing a "slice of life" persona. For me it means exploring arts & sciences, dressing up in pretty gowns, hanging out with other people who enjoy doing things the "hard way." Outside of the SCA, I'm passionate about animal rights & pet nutrition (and I'm trying to convince myself to eat healthier too), I love movies, audiobooks, tv (Netflix and Hulu are frequent accompaniment for craft-time), crochet, handspinning... I've also been playing Star Wars: The Old Republic, since I was invited to participate in beta testing. I love the immersive quality of the game, and play primarily to watch the stories develop. So, this is a bit of me. There's more. Thanks for stopping by!
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One Response to no longer ill, but ill at ease

  1. allison says:

    Hey. I feel ya. It’s not cliched, it sounds a little like loneliness which everyone lives with sometimes. I think it’s good to acknowledge what you’re thinking or what you’re going through. Maybe it will help you find a solution or a way to something better? My advice: try something new! I’m going to cut off all my hair. 🙂

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