Ramblings…

Things have been a bit crazy in my life recently, but I think I have a direction… which is comforting (until the wind changes its mind). For the past few months I’d hoped that we’d find people to move into the townhouse, and I’d continue living pretty much the same way, though perhaps with less drama as the current lease ends and a new one begins. However, a few weeks ago I finally admitted to myself that we hadn’t been able to find anyone, and it was time to consider moving.

Moving. Ugh. What stress even thinking the word creates. I can feel my shoulders tense whenever I think about it. I know, no one enjoys moving, or at least, no one I know does…

So we gave notice to the leasing office, and I starting browsing Craigslist. Sent emails, made phonecalls… I was amazed how many people who’d posted that they were looking to rent never bothered to respond to my messages. A few did respond, and I visited one house, that I almost immediately felt was not a good fit – a very nice house, and the owner seemed nice. Just, not right for me.

Then, shortly before going to work one day, I clicked over to the listings, and there was a new one, and it sounded perfect. A large room in a house in the country, pet friendly, woods to explore… I emailed & called. Exchanged information with the owner, made an appointment to see the place (and took my dog, so he could see that she’s not scary or aggressive – as usual she won him over – I’m so fortunate to have an absolute peach of a dog). A few days later he offered me the room. I put down a deposit, and I’ll start moving things in next month.

Here’s the odd thing. The day I paid the deposit, an SCA acquaintance asked if I was still looking for a roommate… Today, another SCAdian told me she was looking for a place … I felt a twinge of regret, because not moving is in some ways so much easier than moving. But rent would have gone up with the new lease here, and the new place is significantly cheaper, plus the acreage — it’s to die for. Yes, it would have been cool to have an SCA house… but SCA is a bit of an escape for me, and what if I had difficulties with the SCA roommates? That would have caused tension in my escape, my alternate family… As I said, the two women are acquaintances, I know very little about them & their habits. I know one better than the other, because we’ve followed each other on LJ for awhile…

I miss my SCA household. I’m the only one in this kingdom, everyone else is back in the Midrealm. R was in the household, but left it after she assaulted me. Which makes sense, because I’m one of the heads of house, so that would’ve been extremely awkward. The other two HoH aren’t active in the SCA anymore. I admit, I’m a sucker for structure. I like rules, guidelines, etc., and I’d wanted more put into place when we started the household. But it didn’t happen. I’d love to add some now, but I think I’d get resistance from some of the current members. I’d like to grow the household, but I don’t want to just add people because I’m lonely… I created a group on FB, and we’ve had some household chatter, which is a slight improvement, but few of the members bother responding when a question is asked (by me, another HOH, or anyone else). Herding cats, to beat a phrase into the ground… I feel like our household is stagnant, and a bit of a joke. I don’t feel like we’re functioning, that we serve a purpose, other than a loose, occasionally social, group of people. And yes, that’s how it started, but there was certainly talk of being not just social, but also promoting A&S, and service… Unfortunately, as SCA households are not official parts of the SCA, there aren’t guidelines in running one. It’s pretty much do as you & your group want to do. While I’m not wanting us to be one of the very large households, I want there to be some sort of direction, a plan… We had some growing pains at first, invited people in too quickly, without ensuring that they were a good fit with our group. I want to take steps to reduce the chance of that happening again. One of our members suggested that each local “chapter” have autonomy to add new members… I suggested that I’d still like to hear a bit about potential new members, before they’re added. It’s an odd position, being one of 3 HOHs, and the only one actively in the SCA. It’s not like a job, where I’m the boss, and it’s my way or the highway…

I’ve considered recommending the household be dissolved. Stop using the device designed by the 3rd HOH, who doesn’t even communicate with the rest of us anymore, and go our separate ways… I know some of the main group would continue to hang together, and I’m okay with that, but I don’t feel like we’re a household, so it feels wrong to say we are, and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if it should be fixed. But I also don’t know if it’s my place to try and fix things… There’s definitely some guilt/resentment, because I left, and it bugs me that they all still have each other. It’s not as if I want to salt the earth, and leave a smoking hole behind me… But when I can’t even get people to respond to questions such as “What would you like to see happen with the household?” … I kind of feel like if they can’t be bothered to answer something like that, why are they even still identifying as part of the group? This goes back to feeling like we’re a bit of a joke. Some other households in the shire are well established, and well respected in the region, and perhaps the kingdom. Yes, that takes time, but it also takes doing things, making a name for the household… And it doesn’t feel like we’ve done anything.

So, moving. And preparing for a yard sale. The current roommates & I, plus some friends. A multi-person, being held in an empty lot, with chair massages & someone selling handmade jewelry… it’s practically a mini street festival! We’re praying that the weather gods smile upon us.

My mom was sad that I’m not moving back to Indiana. I won’t lie, there’s part of me that wants to. But more of me wants to stay in NoVa, working where I am, making a place for myself, here. I miss my friends in the Midwest, but I don’t want to go back. I’m tired of starting over. I’m happy with my SCA barony, I’m looking forward to the new residence, and I’m thrilled that moving out of the townhouse means leaving a place that holds a lot of memories of R and J, two people who made my last 2 years very painful. They chose this townhouse, and my fear of change kept me here.

In 52 days, I will be out of this house. A&G are moving to PA, C is in Canada. I’ll have new housemates, but the freedom to go outside & escape into nature if they’re bugging me. And the house is SO much larger, we won’t be on top of each other — I won’t be directly under the kitchen/living room area, hearing conversations whether I want to or not. I won’t have a furnace/ac unit kicking on every 45 minutes or so – I’m so looking forward to the quiet.

There will be 2 boys in the house, but again, it’s a large place, and if I need space, more than I can walk away from, I have a car. Plus, I’m fairly certain the kids have been told not to bother the tenants. At least not if said tenants are in their own rooms.

Speaking of furnace fan thingy… it just kicked on again. And I’m going to sign off, to try & sleep, since I work tomorrow.

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About Bevin

I grew up reading stories of all kinds, but the fantasy genre has long been a favorite. Whether it's knights and sorcerors, Jedis or Browncoats, I love them all. I wanted to find my own secret passage to Narnia, study with the Heralds of Valdemar, or become a member of the elven wolfrider pack. I'm sure it was no surprise to my parents that when I discovered there was a club at my college dedicated to medieval life, I'd join. They likely didn't expect that 15 years later, I am still an active member. I acquired the nickname "Bevin the SnarlingBadger" from a friend in the Society for Creative Anachronism, an international not-for-profit educational organization which focuses on studying aspects of medieval life through first-person, hands-on research and practice. Yes, for some that means strapping on armor & practicing combat. For others it means studying a particular culture and time period, developing a "slice of life" persona. For me it means exploring arts & sciences, dressing up in pretty gowns, hanging out with other people who enjoy doing things the "hard way." Outside of the SCA, I'm passionate about animal rights & pet nutrition (and I'm trying to convince myself to eat healthier too), I love movies, audiobooks, tv (Netflix and Hulu are frequent accompaniment for craft-time), crochet, handspinning... I've also been playing Star Wars: The Old Republic, since I was invited to participate in beta testing. I love the immersive quality of the game, and play primarily to watch the stories develop. So, this is a bit of me. There's more. Thanks for stopping by!
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