I am growing to hate the casual invite, or “Hey, we should do something on day X.” Because lately, whenever someone suggests it, and I agree, in my mind, it becomes a thing, and I look forward to it. And then it doesn’t happen. Twice in the past week.
And because I’m feeling lonely, it feeds my feeling (despite logically knowing that it’s not true) that, aside from my family, no one would really notice if I were gone. I mean sure, there’d be an initial “Oh, we have to fill this work/housing slot” … but after that? My inner mean girl (who I decided awhile back should be named IMoGene – see what I did there?) goes onto a repeat cycle that since I no longer have an inner circle, people would just go along as they do most days, and not even think about the fact that they haven’t heard from me.
I’m not feeling suicidal. I don’t want to do harm to myself.
But I know these feelings aren’t good, and I need to get it outside of myself, at least a little.
I’m really not looking for responses on here. My social media cred is okay.
It’s my unplugged self that’s feeling unloved.
So if you feel moved to do something, invest some real time in me.