Looking back over my posts, I realized it’s been ages since I updated anything.
The housing situation improved with the move. It’s far from perfect, but it’s better. There are children in the house, which has taken some adjustment. Sometimes I hole up in my room rather than deal with other people here.
The owner & I have some philosophical differences on animal care. I generally cope by avoiding the situation, though I’ve tried to discuss things with him when I’ve felt they can’t be ignored. No, I’m not getting into specifics, because I don’t want to get all upset again.
It’s pretty isolated here. Which doesn’t bother me as much as it does one of the other tenants, who is also single (fairly recently, she broke off a relationship that had been faltering for awhile). Her dogs and mine get along very well, and sometimes we hang out together. She’s thinking of moving out & asked if I’d want to share a house with her. Aside from the effort of moving, I’m a bit leery. She’s had some job instability. Not that I’m judging, I’ve certainly been there. But where I am currently, the landlord has been understanding if I have to pay rent a week or two late. No guarantee that a new landlord would be as forgiving. Also, I don’t know her that well, and I don’t want to get into another bad roommate situation. There are some problems here, but I’m managing.
Got a collection notice, because apparently one of the former roommates from the townhouse decided not to pay their share of the damages. I paid 1/4 of what was due after the deposit was taken, and none of them put anything into the deposit. Oh, and they owe me some money on top of that. Which I’m willing to let go, in exchange for not having to deal with them ever again. So I’m not paying any more money. I really despise them, and am mad at myself for not speaking up when I had reservations about them moving in. I’m trying to be philosophical about it. I was (and still am) a work in progress, learning to handle things appropriately. And the timing was just bad, because I wasn’t ready to stand up for myself when they moved in. I certainly learned a lot, and had a lot of sessions about handling conflict because of them. So, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I hadn’t been through that.
Not saying I’d ever want to do it again.
I’ve been reading about Alzheimer’s off & on, because a family member has it. What an awful, awful disease. That affects far more people than I’d ever known. Once you start talking about it, people come out of the woodwork. I think there’s a shame associated with certain diseases. Maybe shame’s not the right word. But there’s something, where it’s considered “not polite” to discuss it. Screw that. If you’re in the middle of it, or even on the edges, and dealing with pain, you need to be able to talk about it. So I do, and some of my friendships have grown closer, because of it.
Work is going pretty well. I sometimes vent online about customers, but at the end of the day, I like where I am, and think it’s where I should be. I still need to figure in some space for a fiber arts side business. It’s in stasis right now, as I figure out other stuff. I don’t need to pile on additional stress.
I go to SCA events when I can. And I try not to get upset when I have to miss them. I went to Pennsic for the first time this year & it was amazing. I also disbanded the household I’d cofounded with two friends (both of whom have since left the SCA). It was no longer functioning as a household, or at least, not as I’d envisioned it. There may have been some hard feelings, I know some people were sad about it, but it wasn’t working, and was causing me stress, as I tried to make it into something, and got little or no feedback from the other members. So, I cut it loose.
I also cut social ties with someone who’d been causing me a lot of unhappiness. At some point, I may have to deal with that up close, but in the interim, she lives several states away, and doesn’t have a day-to-day impact on my life, now that I don’t see her online.
I’m trying to make better choices about how I spend my time, and that includes surrounding myself with people who support me, rather than drag me down. I used to think that was somewhat selfish. Lately, I’ve realized that I need to look out for me, because no one else is doing that, or at least, not to the extent that I need. And no one else should have that job. Not as a primary, anyway. I’m a grown-up. I’m intelligent and capable, so I can take care of me.
I went on a couple dates with a guy a few weeks ago. He was nice, but had some habits that irritated me. I stressed about what to do for several days, then had an epiphany, that it wasn’t my job to “fix” him or teach him how to be “better.” And that’s a condescending thing to think about another person, anyway. So I wrote him a direct email, apologizing for being nonresponsive as I dealt with some things, and then explained that I didn’t want to date him, but would be open to spending time together as friends. He didn’t respond directly, but removed me from his circles on G+. Not a huge loss, imho, because I’d already decided he wasn’t “the one,” but I was disappointed that he wasn’t interested in friendship. I get that rejection sucks, I may have even reacted the same way. But I felt it was important to be honest & direct. And I still stand by that. Better than dragging it out, wasting both our times.
So that’s where I am. A work in progress, as always.