More thoughts on managing people effectively

• Avoid the appearance of favoritism at all costs.
• Respond to suggestions in a timely manner, even if you aren’t going to implement them.
• Treat new employees the same as existing employees – if everyone is assigned a locker tagged with their name, put the new employee’s name on their locker.
• If you have an employee appreciation program, pay attention to which employees are being overlooked. If the same people are habitually recognized, while others aren’t, it will affect morale.

Facing the end of a year, and the start of a new decade

I started working at a county shelter in June, and Jan 2nd will be my last day there. It was a mutual decision – I haven’t been happy there for awhile, because I know that I’m not working up to the speed that’s required, and I’m not willing to take shortcuts that some of my coworkers do. Not all. Some are just more efficient than I am, and are able to get everything done in the time allotted. But, they need someone who can do that, and I’m not it.

I turn 40 in a few weeks. I’ve kind of been freaking out about that, feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything, especially since I’m facing unemployment until I find another job.

And for the past several days, I’ve been sick, as have my roommates. So that’s been fun.

I’m still spending most of my online time over on Google Plus, so if you’re looking for more frequent updates, look over there.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/soraya-chemaly/message-to-girls-about-re_b_1518849.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Mixed feelings

I recently found out a friend is in a new relationship. I’m happy for them, but frustrated that she’s coupled up and I’m still single.

Solitude

I’ve been neglecting my blogs for awhile… I’m rarely on Facebook anymore. I’m often on Google Plus. I’ve been struggling with depression a lot lately. I am frustrated with work, with money issues, and tired of being single and alone.

I’m also tired of pretending to be chipper at work, wishing people happy holidays, when what I really want to do is just sleep until the holidays are over. It doesn’t feel like a time for celebrating when I’m not with my family. I went home last month for Thanksgiving, which was nice, but it just made me more miserable coming back.

Not much else…

Occasionally, I write something I’m really proud of.

This is one of these times:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/114869214150121539635/posts/bSPXUjp6S3f

Update (not so brief)

Looking back over my posts, I realized it’s been ages since I updated anything.

The housing situation improved with the move. It’s far from perfect, but it’s better. There are children in the house, which has taken some adjustment. Sometimes I hole up in my room rather than deal with other people here.

The owner & I have some philosophical differences on animal care. I generally cope by avoiding the situation, though I’ve tried to discuss things with him when I’ve felt they can’t be ignored. No, I’m not getting into specifics, because I don’t want to get all upset again.

It’s pretty isolated here. Which doesn’t bother me as much as it does one of the other tenants, who is also single (fairly recently, she broke off a relationship that had been faltering for awhile). Her dogs and mine get along very well, and sometimes we hang out together. She’s thinking of moving out & asked if I’d want to share a house with her. Aside from the effort of moving, I’m a bit leery. She’s had some job instability. Not that I’m judging, I’ve certainly been there. But where I am currently, the landlord has been understanding if I have to pay rent a week or two late. No guarantee that a new landlord would be as forgiving. Also, I don’t know her that well, and I don’t want to get into another bad roommate situation. There are some problems here, but I’m managing.

Got a collection notice, because apparently one of the former roommates from the townhouse decided not to pay their share of the damages. I paid 1/4 of what was due after the deposit was taken, and none of them put anything into the deposit. Oh, and they owe me some money on top of that. Which I’m willing to let go, in exchange for not having to deal with them ever again. So I’m not paying any more money. I really despise them, and am mad at myself for not speaking up when I had reservations about them moving in. I’m trying to be philosophical about it. I was (and still am) a work in progress, learning to handle things appropriately. And the timing was just bad, because I wasn’t ready to stand up for myself when they moved in. I certainly learned a lot, and had a lot of sessions about handling conflict because of them. So, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I hadn’t been through that.

Not saying I’d ever want to do it again.

I’ve been reading about Alzheimer’s off & on, because a family member has it. What an awful, awful disease. That affects far more people than I’d ever known. Once you start talking about it, people come out of the woodwork. I think there’s a shame associated with certain diseases. Maybe shame’s not the right word. But there’s something, where it’s considered “not polite” to discuss it. Screw that. If you’re in the middle of it, or even on the edges, and dealing with pain, you need to be able to talk about it. So I do, and some of my friendships have grown closer, because of it.

Work is going pretty well. I sometimes vent online about customers, but at the end of the day, I like where I am, and think it’s where I should be. I still need to figure in some space for a fiber arts side business. It’s in stasis right now, as I figure out other stuff. I don’t need to pile on additional stress.

I go to SCA events when I can. And I try not to get upset when I have to miss them. I went to Pennsic for the first time this year & it was amazing. I also disbanded the household I’d cofounded with two friends (both of whom have since left the SCA). It was no longer functioning as a household, or at least, not as I’d envisioned it. There may have been some hard feelings, I know some people were sad about it, but it wasn’t working, and was causing me stress, as I tried to make it into something, and got little or no feedback from the other members. So, I cut it loose.

I also cut social ties with someone who’d been causing me a lot of unhappiness. At some point, I may have to deal with that up close, but in the interim, she lives several states away, and doesn’t have a day-to-day impact on my life, now that I don’t see her online.

I’m trying to make better choices about how I spend my time, and that includes surrounding myself with people who support me, rather than drag me down. I used to think that was somewhat selfish. Lately, I’ve realized that I need to look out for me, because no one else is doing that, or at least, not to the extent that I need. And no one else should have that job. Not as a primary, anyway. I’m a grown-up. I’m intelligent and capable, so I can take care of me.

I went on a couple dates with a guy a few weeks ago. He was nice, but had some habits that irritated me. I stressed about what to do for several days, then had an epiphany, that it wasn’t my job to “fix” him or teach him how to be “better.” And that’s a condescending thing to think about another person, anyway. So I wrote him a direct email, apologizing for being nonresponsive as I dealt with some things, and then explained that I didn’t want to date him, but would be open to spending time together as friends. He didn’t respond directly, but removed me from his circles on G+. Not a huge loss, imho, because I’d already decided he wasn’t “the one,” but I was disappointed that he wasn’t interested in friendship. I get that rejection sucks, I may have even reacted the same way. But I felt it was important to be honest & direct. And I still stand by that. Better than dragging it out, wasting both our times.

So that’s where I am. A work in progress, as always.

 

 

An Affirmation of Me

I wrote this on September 11, 2011, over on Google Plus, where I’ve been spending a lot of time lately. But I’m rather postworthy over there, so I wanted to have a copy over here, too.

It started out just as a short summary in reflection. I didn’t want to post about my memories from a decade ago, even though I’d seen several by friends of mine. I’ve been doing a lot of work with my counselor over the past nearly two years, and much of that work is reflected in my words. So, without further ado:

A decade ago I wouldn’t have believed that I’d be living in the DC area, single, loving my job helping people find healthy, natural food and supplies for their pets. I’ve met some amazing people along the way, and said goodbye to some people who weren’t good for me.

I’m a different person, in many ways, but at the core, I’m still me. Passionate about animal rights & equality for all people, politically liberal, and absolutely devoted to my family and friends.

Oh, and I tend to wave my geek flag a bit higher these days, because I’m less concerned (though not completely immune) to what others think about me. I love being a part of the SCA community, and after playing in the Midrealm and Atlantia since 1995, finally went to my first Pennsic this year! How long until Pennsic XVI?

I can be deliriously happy spending hours petting yarn and natural fibers. I’m proficient at spinning and crochet, and find both of them soothing to my soul. I also know there is much still to learn about both of these crafts, and enjoy challenging myself to try new techniques.

I am still humbled when I think about the Hyperbolic Crochet Coral Reef project, and exhilarated that I was able to participate, after reading about the traveling exhibit for years in magazines and websites. My name was posted on the wall of the Museum of Natural History as a contributor, and that is amazing to me. I feel so fortunate that I was able to share that experience with my parents.

I’m still often blunt when I state my opinions, and I don’t tolerate fools well, nor people who don’t own their own actions. I know that I’m flawed, as we all are, and no one likes admitting their mistakes, but we are each responsible for the decisions that we make, and I expect that from everyone.

I’ve been going to a counselor for nearly 2 years, since shortly after I was assaulted by a former roommate. I’m learning to process my feelings, and not be as reactionary in difficult situations. I’m also regaining some of the confidence that was shattered as a result of that and a previous assault (while I was in college). I know that these situations have affected my trust in others, and likely will for some time.

I know what I like, and what I don’t, and I know that I don’t need someone to complete me. I’d like to find someone to travel beside, but I’m willing to go it alone until we find one another, because I’m awesome, and I know I’m worth the wait.

On social contracts…

I am growing to hate the casual invite, or “Hey, we should do something on day X.” Because lately, whenever someone suggests it, and I agree, in my mind, it becomes a thing, and I look forward to it. And then it doesn’t happen. Twice in the past week.

And because I’m feeling lonely, it feeds my feeling (despite logically knowing that it’s not true) that, aside from my family, no one would really notice if I were gone. I mean sure, there’d be an initial “Oh, we have to fill this work/housing slot” … but after that? My inner mean girl (who I decided awhile back should be named IMoGene – see what I did there?) goes onto a repeat cycle that since I no longer have an inner circle, people would just go along as they do most days, and not even think about the fact that they haven’t heard from me.

I’m not feeling suicidal. I don’t want to do harm to myself.

But I know these feelings aren’t good, and I need to get it outside of myself, at least a little.

I’m really not looking for responses on here. My social media cred is okay.

It’s my unplugged self that’s feeling unloved.

So if you feel moved to do something, invest some real time in me.

On Not Doing

Disclosure: I have a ton of stuff not packed. We have a yard sale Saturday, and I’ve not priced things. I copped out and made a price list for the major items.

Sunday I’m borrowing my new landlord’s trailer and a truck, and will be moving at least my furniture to the new place. There’s still stuff ON my bookcases. But, since it looks like I’ll be doing it myself, I can just dismantle the bed, carry it out, then empty the bookcases onto the floor where the bed currently takes up most of this room.

I woke up early this morning, but have I done anything productive but walk the dog? No. I thought about loading up my car & taking stuff up to the new place… but it’s 45 minutes each way, and my little Saturn doesn’t hold much, so it seems inefficient.

I’ve been crying the past few days, feeling very much alone. I’m sure it’s all related – stress about the move, etc.

I’ll get it all done. Somehow. The yard sale won’t be as organized, because every time I’ve thought about pricing all the stuff I’m offering up, I get knots in my stomach, and do something else instead. So it’ll be a bit more stressful on the day. But I’ll get through it.

And the move won’t be pretty, but it will get done.

And once it’s done, maybe the knots in my stomach will subside.